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Entertainment RSS FeedsNetworks eye rebound at upfronts - TV News: Enemy seen as 'cable and Guitar Hero' -- It's no coincidence that Turner's cablers chose this year to move in on the big guys at the upfronts....Feed Source: feeds.feedburner.com 'Podbusting' starts to gain traction - Brian Lowry: Shows improve approach to product placement -- The major networks spent the week flattering media buyers amid scaled-back upfront presentations, telling them how important (and attractive!) they are. Yet the contortions to keep those advertisers happy will succeed only if they can be executed without alienating another constituency: increasingly fickle, demanding, have-it-my-way viewers.... Steve Koonin trades Coke for Turner - Weekly TV: Network president praised as 'marketing genius' -- Steve Koonin, president of the Turner Entertainment Networks, takes in stride his resemblance to Wayne Knight, the actor who played evil-minded postman Newman on "Seinfeld" -- and he's not above drawing attention to the comparison.... Wall to Wall building buzz - Weekly TV: British producer puts 'Man on Wire' -- Six months after Blighty's Shed Media stumped up £20.4 million ($39.9 million) for fellow indie producer Wall to Wall, the acquisition is already looking like a savvy investment -- even if that has yet to be reflected in Shed's share price.... Russia powers up pay TV surge - Weekly International: Subscription services to increase over next four years -- A booming Russian pay TV market is expected to drive growth in subscription TV services in Eastern and Central European in the next four years.... 'Tatort' to air 700th episode - Weekly International: German TV series has been on air for 38 years -- Teutonic TV movie "Tatort" (Scene of Crime) will notch its 700th episode in a 38-year run when it airs on pubcaster ARD on May 25.... Tuning into Hollywood - Weekly TV: Rome Fiction Festival refines its schedule -- The Rome Film Festival may have political clouds hovering over its future, but smallscreen sister event the Rome Fiction Festival is gearing up for a second edition with a new topper, an $11.5 million budget and plans to showcase more Hollywood skeins.... Politics claim SABC head of news - Weekly International: Pubcaster still in turmoil -- The South African Broadcasting Corp. is still in turmoil a week after the suspension of its topper.... Five's Ben Gale faces shifting winds - Weekly International: New head must prove he means business -- Last week, Ben Gale, a 41-year-old middle-ranking producer and commissioner, arrived at his desk at Five, the smallest of Blighty's terrestrial broadcasters, to begin work as its program topper.... Studios, networks ally with Apple - Home Ent News: Steve Jobs alters iTunes download prices -- For years, Steve Jobs had a simple message for Hollywood: It's my way or the highway. But in recent weeks, he seems to have adopted Burger King's mantra: Have it your way.... 'Speed Racer's' driving force - Weekly Smoke and Mirrors: Merchandise moving, despite film's low B.O. -- Warner Bros.' promo campaign for "Speed Racer" may not have drawn the masses to the multiplexes, but it's helping to sell everything from toys to tennis shoes. Lego, Mattel, Puma and other partners are reveling in strong sales despite the film's ho-hum, $18.6 million opening.... 'Recount' gets the parties started - H'w'd and D.C.: HBO film re-examines 2000 Florida vote -- Former secretary of state James Baker calls "Recount," HBO's upcoming take on the 2000 Florida vote, "a very entertaining film to watch." His counterpart, former secretary of state Warren Christopher, who led Al Gore's team, told the New York Times that his portrayal is "pure fiction."... Four chords and five courses - Music News: Phil Roy mixes music, dining with success -- Great ideas born out of desperation sometimes do pay off. The winner this time is Phil Roy, a Philadelphia singer-songwriter whose 25 years in the music biz have been filled with not-quite-filled promises by major labels in L.A., enough song placements to keep the lights on, and an uncorrupted sense of artistic control.... Irish execs stress 'Once' is not enough - Film Festivals: Film's success turns spotlight on local film -- While the success of micro-budget Irish pic "Once" at the Academy Awards (for original song) gave the ceremony a heartwarming boost, Irish film industry execs wonder if the surprise hit will provide a longer-term bounce to the Irish film industry.... Irish films on the rise - Film Festivals: Film Board supports increase in production -- While keeping up with the changes in U.K. tax laws has become something of an annual sport for Brit film execs, their Irish counterparts are reaping the benefits of a bit of a fiscal stability.... Size doesn't matter to Tonys - Legit News: Small-scale fare wins out over popular hits -- Broadway's caught the indie spirit. The 2008 Tony nominations, announced May 13, underscore the increasing tendency of legit awards to lavish attention on smaller-scale, less conventional fare over mass-market commercial undertakings -- just as in Hollywood, arthouse offerings continue to dominate the Oscar race and riskier cable skeins turn heads at the Emmys.... Galway Film Fleadh carves out niche - Film Festivals: Festival's victories include 'Once' -- Two decades since its inception, the Galway Film Fleadh ("festival" in Gaelic) has carved out an important niche in the often hardscrabble landscape of Irish cinema.... Dublin's Gate celebrates 80 years - Film Festivals: High-profile actors drawn to theater's reputation -- As Dublin's Gate Theater celebrates its 80th year, its program bears the unmistakable stamp of the Gate's provocative and dynamic director, Michael Colgan, who has run the theater since 1983.... Dublin industry comes of age - Film Festivals: International pull breeds talent, lures London agents -- The decision by Casarotto Ramsay & Associates to open a Dublin office, headed by senior agent Charlotte Kelly, is a sign that the Irish film and TV community has come of age.... Colombian film faces screen squeeze - Film Festivals: Hollywood still dominates in domestic market -- Film production is surging in Colombia, thanks in part to tax breaks, bold new talent, keen local audiences and TV coin.... America's Next Top Model: Cycle 10 - Episode 13 (America's Next Top Model: Plus size prevails) - TV Reviews: I have been saying for several weeks that the producers were hell-bent on having a plus-size winner this cycle. (Just ask my friend Lori. I said those exact words to her last week.) ... Inner Voices: Solo Musicals - Legit Reviews: Three new half-hour musicals, featuring such Broadway talents as Victoria Clark, Barbara Walsh and Michael John LaChiusa, for a mere 20 bucks? That would sound like quite a bargain, and it turns out that the program offers more than enough to warrant a visit to the Zipper Theater, even in Clark's performance alone.... Recount - TV Reviews: The end of the Bush presidency seems like an appropriate time to sift through the 2000 election's wreckage, with "Recount" serving as just the movie to help pick that scab. ... Rumba - Film Reviews: Like an episode of "Sesame Street" scripted by Luis Bunuel and helmed by Jacques Tati, "Rumba" turns dark tragedy into deadpan comedy through a series of surreal G-rated gags.... Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde - TV Reviews: Robert Louis Stevenson's strange tale of split personality has long fascinated filmmakers, but the transformation has seldom been quite as limp and boring as this European production. ... The Seven Days (Les septs jours) - Film Reviews: The searing intensity of "To Take a Wife" turns into overly diffused heat in Ronit and Shlomi Elkabetz's follow-up family drama "The Seven Days." ... Boogie - Film Reviews: Radu Muntean uses his cool yet sympathetically observational eye to chart the distance between a responsible family man and his long-lost buddies.... A Christmas Tale (Une Conte De Noel: Roubaix!) - Film Reviews: Performances and direction, rather than the yards of inconclusive dialogue, are what keep Arnaud Desplechin's "A Christmas Tale" from curdling in its own juices.... Tyson - Film Reviews: "Tyson" is James Toback's revelatory closeup look at the tumultuous life of the former heavyweight champ.... Soi Cowboy - Film Reviews: Brit helmer Thomas Clay's sophomore feature, "Soi Cowboy," demonstrates a growing maturity.... Mock Up On Mu - Film Reviews: Latest unclassifiable, near-indescribable effort by San Francisco-based "culture jammer" Craig Baldwin, "Mock Up on Mu" is a typically dense yet delightful combination of found and new footage in the service of a fanciful semi-fact-based narrative. ... Carnera: The Walking Mountain - Film Reviews: There's a great story to be told about boxing legend Primo Carnera, but helmer Renzo Martinelli's "Carnera: The Walking Mountain" skips over anything that doesn't fit a formulaic made-for-TV biopic.... The Stranger in Me (Das fremde in mir) - Film Reviews:
One of the best advertisements for contraception since "Rosemary's Baby," writer-helmer Emily Atef's sophomore feature, "The Stranger in Me," presents a pared-down portrait of one woman's harrowing struggle against the baby blues. ... Vicky Cristina Barcelona - Film Reviews: "Vicky Cristina Barcelona" is a sexy, funny divertissement that passes as enjoyably as an idle summer's afternoon in the titular Spanish city.... Three Monkeys (Uc maymun) - Film Reviews: A powerfully bleak family drama that leaves its characters' offenses largely offscreen but lingers with agonizing, drawn-out deliberation on the consequences. ... Pippin - Legit Reviews: The visual and rhythmic pleasures of East West Players' anime and hip-hop-influenced "Pippin" almost permit one to overlook the production's undercooked execution. But for all the eye candy, the ear and mind are forced to work far too hard to gain entry into the 1972 tuner's world.... Celebrating Ellington - Music Reviews: Much of the dignity and discipline of the Duke Ellington legacy was distinctively manifested on Wednesday by the Juilliard Jazz Orchestra, which displayed incomparable vigor and a united thrust in "Celebrating Ellington." Under the direction of Cecil Bridgewater, the band lost little time proving its ability to swing hard. The opener, "Rockin' in Rhythm," found James Burton's gritty trombone solo leading a groove to be followed by a tart Chris Burbank trumpet solo.... Cardenio - Legit Reviews: The play is not all in one coherent psyche," gripes a character in "Cardenio." Few would argue, but comic chaos is also the point -- and the fun -- of this antipasto of a play premiering at the American Repertory Theater in Cambridge, Mass. ... American Idol: We predict the new Idol will be named David (American Idol: Season 7 - Top 3) - TV Reviews: Yep, folks. It?s David vs. David for the final two. The rocker vs. the kiddie crooner. Two men enter, one man leaves! Welcome to the Thunderdome! ... Hunger - Film Reviews: 'Hunger' reps a powerful, pertinent but not entirely perfect debut for British visual-artist-turned-feature-helmer Steve McQueen.... How Did I Quit Smoking? - I loved smoking since i was 18. I still cherish those heavenly blessed moments when relaxing in my easy chair, apple juice glass in my left hand, cigarette in my right hand watching wrestling on my television with sun rays knocking at my window and entering with my permission to give such soothing effect on my whole body, and the tobacco olfactory along with the white fumes of smoke in my room making it a wonderful place to live and praise blessings of God. Life was roaming along in a very pleasant manner.... What Do You Get For Being Very Successful At Failing? - There's got to be some reward for being a really good failure. It's an art, you know. Not just any old wally can be consistently bad... 10 Not So Famous Quotes - We all remember those famous quotes made by folks like JFK, Nathan Hale and FDR, but there are quotes by many famous people from history that have never been made public. And once you read them, you'll know why. Here's a short list of ten unquotable quotes.... The Great Ruse at Foggy Hollow - "Honey Bear " said Barrister Bear. "We'll soon be fifty years old. Do you suppose anyone will notice we've gotten older?"... Anatomy Of Wife - Anatomy of wife Wife is a living creative. It has two hands and two feet. She uses her hands to throw the household utensils on her husband.... Phone Solicitors I Love And Hate - There are many reasons to get on the no-call list for telephone solicitations. For those who have not been added, there are lots of opportunities for refusing to participate.... My Journey at Birth - You can find humor everywhere in your life, if you only stop to look. Even from the journey of birth.... Do Not Panic I Am Not Islamic - This is a funny little story, if not a some what sad reflection on the state of today's society, it is all about the months after the July terrorist bombings in London. Enjoy!... The Ridiculousness That is "Superman II" - Have you ever re-watched a movie you loved as a kid, only to step back afterwards and say, "Hmmm, that is a lot sillier than I remember "? For me, Superman II is just such a movie. In this article, I will point out just a few of the ridiculous things that occur in this movie (it could take a whole book to point them all out).... Precision Instruments For Precision Quilting - WARNING: This article is for comic relief only and should be read as such. Do not take this to the quilting store and ask the nice lady for everything on the list. Remember the old saw, "For want of a nail, the kingdom was lost"?... Karma Police - Understanding Karma And How It Relates To The Claw - The concept of "karma" isn't quite clicking for me this week. Just a few days ago, a cashier at a grocery store gave me over 60 dollars of change when I handed her a twenty-dollar bill. This, of course, is my favorite kind of math and the only way to truly fix the economy, but I decided to give the money back to the cashier in exchange for some good karma. Let's face it, in the heat of the moment at a grocery store, one's conscience always seems to kick in. That's why people look at tabloid magazines while in line but don't actually buy them, and why people buy pumpkins with the intention of cutting them but instead just draw faces on them. After all, there is no "con" in "conscience," except there actually is ... How To Properly Pat A Man's Behind - Properly patting a man's rear end in public is not as easy as it looks ladies. The fingers must be fully extended, not curled. That's groping. Contact must be brief and to the right or left of the mid line. Also, the ideal spot is around the height of the convexity. Above or below and you risk being labeled a pervert.... Where's The Ketchup? - The bad weather during the growing season affected produce. Fruit and vegetables are more expensive and, in my opinion, not as flavorful. I don't like spinach, but it looks less tasty. Why is it called produce anyway? Lettuce doesn't "produce" anything. Now, it's almost cheaper to eat out--almost ... One Fine Day - This is a story about a milestone birthday that didn't turn out as planned. A little dark in the middle, but alls well that ends well.... How To Clean Your Garage and Live To Tell About It - Cleaning the garage. It's a nasty job, but someone has to do it and if it's you, you might as well have some fun with it. Here's how.... I Should Have Gone To Bed - It was 9:30 in the evening when my stomach began to growl and complain of emptiness. There's a Subway Sandwich Shop on the corner of our street, and the cool nights here in Arizona make it an enjoyable ten minute stroll. I never walk fast, but my stride is smooth as yogurt without the fruit.... Once Upon a Time (Part One) - And Safely Out of the Frying Pan and Into the Fire (Part Two) - A funny account of a new Big Rig driver's experiences on his first trip into The Big Apple. Sit in the right seat of a big truck while Traveler takes you on an adventure into the heart of the Bronx in a semi tractor and 53-foot trailer! Lots of laughs... Staying On The Funny Side - Of Commercials - Kelly pokes fun at the TV commercial moms in her hilarious weekly column, Staying on the funny side. Come laugh and relate to her antics of real mom versus TV mom.... My Talent - Here I am again, ready to take the plunge. Now that I'm back though, what do I have to say? Has there been months of pent up creativity, just waiting to burst out of my idea filled brain? or will it turn out (as i fully expect) that only the tiniest germ, has been lying, undisturbed and probably unperturbed, by the notion of being put into print.... Ice Cubes - I am tired of filling the ice cube trays. Every tray I examine has just two ice cubes remaining. It is as if the perpetrator of this outrage, and she knows who she is, decides that as long there are two cubes left, it would be wasteful to fill the tray. One cube, apparently, can be sacrificed.... A Love Story Which Ended In Marriage - Katie is my wife. I married her with in a week, fell in love and now I am her husband. These seven days are full of events of meaningful consequences, are they really?... Alarms and Clocks - A humorous look at the origin and development of alarms. Clocks and their alarms have a long association with humans, and animals too have their systems.... Jangling Nerves Not Conducive to Productivity - Arrgghhh, it's that dreaded time again HALF TERM! If I have to listen to Poooower Raaaangers SPD, Pooooower Raaangers to the rescue, break up Triple H and The Undertaker wrestling on my floor or tend to WWE/Raw carpet burns one more time, I'm gonna perform a couple of double choke slams of my own! As you can tell, I'm not in the best of moods. It's not all the kids' fault though. Some of it is self-inflicted ... Are You Looking For Funny Videos And Commercials? - Are you having hard time getting a smile on your worried face in this busy life? Just relax and watch a funny videos online.... Using Funny Bumper Stickers To Get Your Point Across - The use of bumper stickers to get someone's point across to those driving behind him has been a major advertising medium for all kinds of controversial topics for a very long time. Sometimes, the best way to get your message across quickly can be done better with a little twist of humor.... Does Alternative Comedy Have Mainstream Appeal? - The growth of alternative comedy nights has been uncharacteristically fast for the entertainment industry. Since the year 2000, the number of venues running comedy clubs in London alone has increased from approximately 25 to over 100. So what lead to this growth? Have the comedians change their material, or have audience reactions and attitudes to alternative comedy changed?... The Day I Broke Up With Rachel Ray - I'm not speaking to Rachel Ray. She broke my heart. Find out how in this tearful account.... Beaver in Argentina - 25 pairs of beaver were taken to Argentina by someone interested in fur farming. They were under the radar of the local predators and there are now over 200,000 of them in the wild. (Enthusiastic bunch.)... Dancing with the Stars - DANCING WITH THE STARS The Professor was mad at me. We had agreed to meet at 8 pm to sign an important agreement. My delay led to postponement of the meeting.... Laughing Out Loud Online - The Key To Finding Hilarity In A Boring World - Let's face it. We all love the Internet and its wealth of quick knowledge and information but it has also caused us all our fair share of misery. Viruses have destroyed our hard drives, financial and sexual predators lay lurking in the shadows and everything else that could possibly be unpleasant is never more than a click of the mouse away.... Driving In New Jersey - Being an entertainer for all of my life, I have been driving for many years all over this great country and I have noticed that drivers of certain states have definite traits of their own that is individualistic to themselves. For example, everyone knows that in Florida the people drive extremely slow. That is their very own characteristic while New Yorkers drive like they are in a race.... Staying On The Funny Side - Of Spiritual Sightings - Kelly's hilarious weekly column Staying on the Funny Side. This week's topic: Spiritual Sightings. Nester sees Jesus on the side of his garage.... Key Ingredients to Cool Funny Videos - Check out some of the essential elements to create a successful funny video. Once a video strikes cord with its target audience, it is bound be virally carried across the online world.... Spice Up Your Lives With Online Peppy Humors - With a vast number of funny pictures and videos available on the Internet, people can now have access to some of the quickest ways to pure fun. Stress busters apart, these funny stuffs have great therapeutic uses as well.... 10 Worst Pick-Up Lines Ever - Are you looking for that someone special? Well, your initial approach can make or break your chances. Here are ten opening lines that you really should avoid.... Joke Writing - How Can I Learn To Write Jokes - It started very simply for one well-known comedian. He was out with nothing to do one day and decided to buy a book. The subject of the book was how to write books, and the result changed his life.... The Date - Ahhh Remember these times? I do. Actually, I hope you don't! ;o)... 10 More Silly Lorry Stories! - Generating wild and wacky news stories may not be in a lorry driver's job description, but it seems to be one of their talents. Here is another set of hilarious lorry stories which will make you laugh out loud.... Deep and Funny Questions for Eckhart Tolle & Oprah about A New Earth - Spiritual Mysteries & Mantras - Undoubtedly Eckhart Tolle and Oprah are quite spiritual. Their online web class has awakened the world and gladly so, taking many of us beyond our head and into our heart. The spirit within truly needs more recognition and liberation from our egoic thought processes. But here's some food for thought and thought provoking questions for the dynamic duo. Just some questions sent to Oprah and Eckhart online that never got answered.... 10 Reasons Why Your Sense of Humor is No Laughing Matter - Helpful or Harmful Humor - Humor that is used appropriately can be your best friend or your worst enemy if misused, don't you agree? While positive humor has tremendous power to heal and create closeness; negative humor has tremendous power to hurt and distance. How do you define what a "healthy" sense of humor IS and IS NOT?... Laughter - Your Remedy for Distress - Finding Amusement Amongst Misfortune - What could have tarnished the memory of our dream vacation, over time, has provided us with many laughs as we retell the story. When you find yourself dealing with disappointments on your vacation, tell yourself, "Someday we will laugh about this." And you will.... What If You Could Add An Additional 8 Years To Your life? Assessing Your Sense of Humor - GOOD NEWS! University of Chicago studies show a great sense of humor can add an additional 8 years to your life! How do you know if you have a great sense of humor, or not? Take a few minutes right now to evaluate some of your present humor habits.... The Joy of Socks - At last an answer to that long-pondered mystery - why do we wear our socks with the lumpy, scratchy seams on the inside? Find out now!... Tips For Finding Funny Pictures Online - You must be wondering from where do some people get such funny images. Well, it's very easy and simple to find them, as they are very much available on the Internet.... Flying Saucers - Do you believe in UFOs? My sister, Peggy, and I do.... Humor - What Is It? - Humor is always linked to comedy. It is generally recognized as something acceptable to, and enjoyed by everyone, no matter what his or her age. Learning to smile is one of the first recognizable displayed characteristics of newborn babies. The rhythmic expulsion of air from the lungs is recognized as laughter in a matter of weeks following the birth, and is a primitive form of basic communication. Mother Nature has already equipped young babies with a powerful tool they can use to good advantage as a key factor in human bonding, the building of special relationships and social cohesion in the years that follow.... Fat Pencil Days - Even though I am a writer in the twenty first century with a laptop and Microsoft Word and all the other gadgets and geegaws I still sit down with a blank piece of paper and a pen or pencil when an idea is starting to form in my head. I guess it's conditioning from all those years in school when I was sitting behind a desk trying to express myself with a pen or pencil. I can still picture the scene, thirty kids leaning over their desks, straining to form those letters with big fat pencils clutched in their hands, and a few of them even let the tip of their tongues slip out the corner of their mouths, the ultimate sign of concentration.... Top Ten Reasons Why You Shouldn't Own A Dragon As A Pet - It's almost dragon breeding season and soon your local animal shelters will be offering these poor homeless fire-breathing creatures (and their cute hatchlings) to unsuspecting customers. Be aware, the majority of dragons adopted from shelters are returned.... What The Health Is Going On? - It's time to tell the presidential frontrunners about these two underrated and unnoticed illnesses. It's up to you to pass the word.... Fear of Surgery - When I was sixteen years old and had my first cosmetic surgery, the thought of this did not alarm me one bit. I did not worry about the surgery itself, no concerns about being put to sleep nor the pain..... 2 For 1 - How many times have you been to Target or K-mart or even the grocery store and seen the 2 for 1 sale? Always looks appealing and sounds appealing and seems to be a good deal, but is it? I never bothered to read the expiration dates or ask the store manager why this is such a good deal.... Another Day in Parasite - I have always enjoyed nature programs and science documentaries on television. There seems to be always something to learn about and something new to explore and wonder. I feel like I am actually benefiting from this rather than becoming brain dead watching soap operas I adore.... Prescription Descriptions - Which is worse, the drug or the disease? These days it seems prescription medications are on a roll for delivering worse symptoms than what they are intended to cure. But that's OK, there are always live human pain reliever overdose studies proving we can dull any pain. Read the sarcastic version of how this all works out for the common good. Yeah good. I'm good.... 8 Unusual Television Channels - The Fish Channel may, or may not be, part of a 500 channel expansion due to explode on your television screens in the near future. Here are a few more that you might like to see.... How to Become a Comedian - Have you ever wondered how a certain comedy got his/her start? I can guarantee it took a lot of hard work and thankless audiences. They persisted because that's what they wanted in life. They also had to pay their dues with small audiences and unpaid performances.... Staying on the Funny Side of Spontaneity - Today I decided to have a moment of spontaneity with my toddler, which is unusual for me to engage in things I can't spell. Usually I like my spontaneous moments to occur on weekends - not during those precious work hours when I could be sitting by the phone waiting for it to ring. But when Junior asked me for the 147th time if he could do bubbles, I stopped typing, looked up, and much to his surprise and mine said yes, and we ran outside before I could change my mind.... My Worst Day in Real Estate - If you have every had a day that you just wish you could do over, well I had one of those days and I figured I would share it with the world for a good Laugh, life is too short so laugh long and hard. We will all live longer because of it.... How to Measure Cultural Differences in Metric Units - A science test was conducted on adults in different countries. The citizens were asked a simple questions: "How much is 10 x 100 grams?" These are the results ... Were You Virgled? Using Hoaxes To Help Kids Be Thinkers - In case you missed Google's April Fool's Day fun, don't worry. They'll get you again--they always do. This year's hoax--Project Virgle--offered space buffs the chance to join the first human colony on Mars (2014) and featured an online application, a "test of pioneering potential," and a map of the planned landing site along with convincing burble about the red planet's "mineral goodies that.... Orange Barrel Humor! - All of us can count on three things in life taxes; death and of course those pesky orange traffic barrels! You know the "orange barrel blues" as it were!... Laughing Our Way Into Old Age - They tell me it is fun to grow old and become infested with senility, or maybe Alzheimer's disease, in that you are able to meet new friends every day, hear new jokes every day, and so on. That may be true, but I just don't remember.... Staying on The Funny Side of Weight Loss Secrets - Another weekly hilarious column about staying on the funny side of weight loss secrets. You'll never look at spam the same way again.... Maybe I Should've Learned to Catch the Typewriter..? - I never played sports when I was a kid. I wasn't in little league baseball, pee wee football, and rarely ever picked up a basketball. Sure, I played ball in the street with my friends, but I sucked at it.... Who the Hell Wants to Live Like This? - Comedian describes some of the negative aspects about being an unknown, "road comic", one of hundreds of working-stiff comedians traveling the country. Sometimes show business isn't as glitzy as people think it is.... Jury Duty - You Have the Right to Remain Comatose - For those of you who have served, or are awaiting to serve, on jury duty, this is a must read. You may never look at this week long obligation the same again.... Learning Chinese - NOT! - When I first came to Taiwan to live I listened to the language and thought to myself, "OK, this doesn't sound so hard. I have high-school French and German so I already possess some linguistic ability. I can learn this.... Lu Lu Bear Gets Revenge - Late one dark night Lu Lu Bear got fed up with the tenants living in the apartment building across the alley from her lovely urban den. Lu Lu Bear minds her own Peas and Ques, stays within her own property line, doesn't bother her neighbors and expects the same in return. Sometimes that's not enough and she finds herself pushing the border back to where it belongs.... Behold The Power Of Cheese - The Tucson Deli is where I buy my cheese. The rusty machine in my cellar allows me to slice my meat at home. Stepping up to the counter, I request one pound of white american cheese which makes me sound like a racist.... The Wing Truck - I worked hard that day, too. I got home late that afternoon to the devastation. He submerged my mailbox in an avalanche of monumental destruction. He closed the walkway I purposefully makeshift to the mailbox with a three and a half foot tall wall of ice and road salted chunks of ice rocks. That's what they really are. The driveway was even worse.... Redneck How-To Guide - What exactly does it take to be a redneck? Is it a part of your DNA or is it the way you part your hair? Is it a state of mind, or is it the state of Alabama? These are the questions that keep many redneck wanna-be's up all night until the butt crack of dawn.... To Write or Not to Write - That is a Question! - Is it a miracle that when I sat down to write this, my intention was to express my frustration in this industry, trying to get an agent to represent me to finally notice me and before I was done writing my first paragraph, I actually had one say via email they were interested? I don't know. What are the odds? I don't really believe in miracles. I believe in hard work and ethics paying dividends.... What Did I Ever Do To Old Man Winter and Mother Nature? - After a couple years we decided to sell our beloved log cabin. I met a lovely young lady, fell madly in love, got married, and had a child with her at the ripe young age of 39. Realizing that the cabin was not a great choice to raise an infant and due to the fact that we were so remote, we decided to sell and move north to the Great North Woods of New Hampshire. Where winter is nine months long and the other three months is just bad snowmobiling with black flies. Go figure.... Diva Moments - Inside my businesswoman body beats the heart of an artist. And sometimes that artiste gets pretty darn uppity, wanting nothing more than to cut up whatever I've been working on. The kids started calling these episodes Diva Moments, and the name stuck.... Thank You for Calling - Is is just me or has anyone else called a place of business as in a retail chain of sorts or a restaurant seeking certain information and you're received with a bombarding 30 second or more greeting script promoting sales that are of no value to you and are unintelligible because the speaker is talking faster than their lips can move? Why are they talking so fast? Because they have a lot to say in their scripted greeting and are most likely embarrassed about the content of the script even though they are employed there.... Play Harmless April Fools Day Pranks On Your Friends - April Fool's Day is a day to make fun and that spirit of fun is usually at it's peak that day. Quipping April Fool's Day jokes and playing pranks on your friends and coworkers are what the celebration is all about.... 10 Ways to Tell You're Getting Older - There are many ways to tell we are getting older. Some are obvious, some aren't. Here are ten sure fire ways to tell if you've reached that certain plateau in your life.... World's Top 8 Silly Lorry Stories - Lorries and lorry drivers are constantly generating quirky news stories, and here are the eight best from all over the world. If you like ridiculous lorry stories, you're going to love this!... Freedom, The French, and Old Orchard Beach - The summer of 1980. I had my license for over a year now and had done my best to do what damage I could to Mom's car and even my grandparents' car. This was a malicious act with the intent that if I did enough damage to theirs, they'd consider letting me buy one of my own.... 10 Ways to Tell You're Getting Older - There are many ways to tell we are getting older. Some are obvious, some aren't. Here are ten sure fire ways to tell if you've reached that certain plateau in your life.... The Not So Fast Food Luncheon - It started out like any ordinary Daddy/Daughter Day. Honestly, I don't know why we bother to call it that anymore since Mommy comes to lunch with us now.... The Ninja Bug Assassin - Bug lovers beware. There is a bug assassin on the loose who is like a wolf in sheep's clothing. They are always among us. Is there on living with you?... The Ant and the Coffee Maker - It's a catchy title for a story. It reminds me of one of Aesop's Fables where there will be some lesson instilled in young minds who endure reading it. That's probably not going to happen in this tale. Although, somebody might learn something from my mistake. That's only a mere theory with no statistics to back it up whatsoever.... Two Girls in My Bed - Not Exactly a Fantasy - I woke up the other morning around 4 AM and there was this beautiful young girl in our bed between me and my wife. She was bright-eyed and bushy-tailed and she smiled when I opened my eyes and she said ... The Pure and Simple Joys of Comedy - Even when you are in a really bad mood and you hear someone else laugh you cannot help but laugh right along with them, even if you don't know them. There is not a better sound out there than someone laughing, truly laughing, and enjoying something that they have seen or heard. Remember the last time you were just flipping through the channels and you heard a funny joke and you started laughing hysterically?... Advice For The June Groom - Prospective brides are always getting advice on what to expect from marriage. There are countless magazines dedicated to this topic. Now, for the first time, the prospective groom gets advice on the pitfalls and trip wires of marriage.... My Favorite Top 10 Comedy Songs - Since music is my background and has been since the age of 9 and that I have been a comedian since 1980, I felt it only fitting that I do a Top 10 list of my favorite comedy songs. There have been so many novelty songs on the charts and in movies over the years and I hope I can remember all the ones that I have enjoyed and I will do my best. If I forget any of yours, let me know I and will update my list. I will just go through most of them and then put them in my list. With all that being said, here we go:... Stand Up Comedy - Your First Time on Stage - Stand up comedy is a challenging field to pursue. Here are some tips for that first time on stage.... Pharmaceutical Commercials and Auto Ads Are Funny! - I have a simple solution to life's problems, as far as my physical health is concerned. I don't worry about things I can't spell! This is a skill that is learned; you're not born with it. I have to credit TV with this ability to block out concerns over my health by simply ignoring anything that could show up on the National Spelling Bee.... Why Laughter Is So Important In Our Lives - Do you spend a lot of time with work and other responsibilities that require you to be focused and serious? While it is necessary to focus on some things, you should always make time to have a good laugh and smile, or simply chuckle to yourself. There is no better way to do this than by watching a few very funny videos at the end of the day. There are some very funny videos out there that are just a few seconds in length that will not take much time out of your day, but will definitely add some enjoyment to it.... The Spanish Contribution to the Eurovision Songfestival - When you live in a foreign country you need time to understand the culture. If you focus on the humor part of the culture you can come up with many differences easily. Not only the content part of humor can be different but also the form; what was popular in one culture can become popular in another but many years after. This is like paintings: some countries have shifted their focus to a new modernist style while others still prefer the classical form. The contribution to the songfestival shows that Spain is changing.... How Do You Know Your Medication Level Is Correct? - Two days ago, I noticed that my mouth was hanging open and drool was cascading into my cereal. This event caused me to question if my medication dosage was a tiny bit too high. My spit mixing with the oatmeal enraged me enough to smash the bowl in my sink.... Kitchen Sounds - Some of us cook quietly and without causing a disturbance. Not in this household.... Kitchen Remodeling Humor - How Hollywood views kitchen renovation projects is quite hilarious. Generally the way that kitchen remodeling projects are portrayed in the movies and on television are as comedies. The reasons are obvious.... Onion Personality - All other kinds of personality aside, this is a novel and very common type discussed here. The inner feelings of a man are described here in light way.... Aprons With Funny Sayings - An apron with a funny saying can transform an event from boring and tedious and exciting and fun. It's true! Use this technique to make it happen.... My Career As A Terrorist - My hometown of Warrensburg, Missouri, has a population of approximately twenty thousand people, dogs and other critters. It is known far and wide as the home of the University of Central Missouri. Only ten miles to the east is a small town of Knob Noster.... If I were Elected - I might just run. If I did, these are my goals. Not your typical fare.... Anybody Seen Bob? - My wife cleaned the freezer in our pantry. She threw a bunch of things away. I was surprised to see the bag that sat on rear of the lowest shelf go.... T-ball Shuffle - I picked up the ringing phone to be greeted by my seven-year old grandson. "Hi, Grandpa." "Hi, Zak. What's up?" "Do you want to come to my T-ball game on Wednesday?"... Just Sit Back and Relax - Today I went down town to see if I could get somebody to weld a piece onto my Jeep Commanche. The door jamb lock fell apart and I'm using a bungee cord to secure the door. (It's a really STRONG bungee cord) I didn't realize it was a holiday and some things weren't open so the trip into town appeared pointless.... Copyright © 2008, Magic Maldives. All Rights Reserved. |